MOMENTAUFNAHMEN: ecotones
Wow, transition processes can be tough. In particular when there's more beings involved (fun, that's always the case). How clear it is that the learning isn't in the about, but in the between. I'm finding myself at the end of my term as a (co-)president and there is so much bubbling in me and between us, me, my partner & my successor. Lots of generative conversation, and also lots of tension & patterns triggering us to a point of seemingly no return. Nervoussystems in panic or at war, no chance to hold each other in this moment. Taking time, inviting generosity and we find back together.
Sitting in the warm nebula of intensity that wrapped inside out my body surrounded by candles and a soothing podcast, I found myself in awe when Sophie Strand suddenly introduced the concept of ecotones. The boundary layer where ecosystems meet, where one suddenly & daramtically shifts into another, where adaptation happens and biodiversity peaks. Eco from oikos, home, and tone for tension. ' It's the place where tensions are held in a household. And I think that when we try and create these stable [plans &] value systems inside and outside, we preclude the ecotone, where more species can diversify, where more stories can sprout.' What a place to be in, and how much new life is evolving at these particular places.
Listening in, it was hitting me with so much clarity. We're in the middle of an ecotone, and the tension happening is nothing else but the beautiful, live-giving rambling of a new system evolving. Not about you, or me, but relationships shaping & shifting. The intensity & pain we experience is surely linked to our histories and we surely trigger each other with the words we use, or not use. And yet it is no one to blame or 'hold responsible', as this is so clearly within the system and the relationships. In the end, aren't we just yearning to be home & not alone? Isn't this one big, massive act of recalibrating? Stepping further in, or a little out. Being generous, finding new ways of symbiosis, allowing some things to decay. Eating our own shadows.
Sitting here writing, I also get more clarity on my own needs. Moving out of my projections on plans & doings, what I really need is to not feel alone in this. To feel seen in my contributions, and asked for help where help is needed. To voice my needs and observations without the fear of separation, which is root to the fear of hurting our beloved. To be allowed to make mistakes, and to be met with generosity. I truly couldn't care more if this or that will be done by the end of the year, things happen at the right time and I trust that. What I care about is the relationships and how the 'doings' are maps for the being & state of relationship. I care about communicating and not feeling alone with the responsibility to tend all the different processes on my own. I will give my utmost to be open, receptive, stay able to respond and give myself the grace of space & time to get back there when my nervous systems feels unsafe & I move into defence.
Oh ecotone, let me embrace you and be of service for new life to evolve
Breathing
